Humans and Entitlement Mentality.

It is interesting and at the same time disheartening to see how many people have come down with this strange behavior called ‘entitlement mentality’. Entitlement mentality is a self imposed captivity and you see this play out in every stratum you look at from families to works to relationships even to us as a nation.  This kind of mentality has made people hurt each other, families to fall apart, relationships stray and limited growth as a nation.

It is critical to note that everybody born into this world has a purpose for which he/she was created and it is a duty we owe ourselves to fulfill. Our purpose should be our primary focus because for every assignment given, there is a corresponding feedback/report to tender to the sender. We are custodians of the resources that we have and sometimes there are limits to how long we can be in custody of these resources as some of them are time bound.

In a family, both the parent and children have roles to play for which they should be responsible for. And as a child transits different phases of growth so also should the role of parents transit.

As a CHILD (0 – 12years), it is the responsibility of the parents to PARENT the child. To parent means to rear, to bring up, to nurture within their capacity and ensure that the child grows well.

As a TEEN (13 – 17years), the role of the parent should translate to a FRIEND and not ‘necessarily’ parent. Teens need more friendship at that stage of their growth as it is easier for them to open up to a friend than a ‘parent’.

As an ADULT (18years and above as it applies to the Nigeria), the role of the parent should transit to a MENTOR. Someone who guides the adult but allows them to make the decisions by themselves.

Giving birth to children, in my opinion is not a purpose as any fool can give birth to a child(ren). Hence parents are not to tie their destiny around the life of their children or see their children as an investment hoping to get returns from when they are all grown. What if you don’t get to have a child, what would you invest in?

Understand the reason why you have those children so you don’t end up abusing them.

The idea that parents train their children with the mindset of getting enough from them when they are grown is really not a healthy one. That is why you see most parents decide the university their children should study at, the course they should take, the person they should marry, the tribe they should marry from, the number of grandchildren they want to have and some other petty things (I’m sure you know tones of them). And sometimes when these children don’t perform as they expect, they begin to compare them with other people and this is so sad.

For the children, it is also a sign of responsibility to reciprocate a favor with or without the giver mentioning it. It is very necessary to appreciate those that have helped you on your journey and offer help to those coming behind you.

If you live a purposeful life, you are likened to a conduit. The goal is not to store up water for itself but as it is serving as passage, it will get wet. No doubt, the universe does not owe anyone. It will repay you even in your old age.

The other kind of entitlement is with relationships (personal and work). Have you noticed that many people who feel entitled to you( your time, money, resources) bring little or no value to you? Value is not something ‘mighty’ because there are levels to it. Value is anything you do effortlessly that can be helpful to someone. Things like helping to engage your friend’s kids (especially when you know their schedule is crazy), genuinely checking up on people, assisting your colleagues on some minor projects, and the list is endless, are just examples of value you can offer to someone. If you are valuable, people will want to have you around and somehow, they will want to return the favour.

Always see yourself from a place of value such that you are always bringing value to the table of your relationships. Sometimes, we don’t even realize that our value can also be in seasons. Understanding the seasons will help reduce unnecessary stress and prevent it from straying.

At the core of every human, are emotional beings and what makes us human beyond the general class of living things is the ability to love, to serve and to give and this is where we find our maximum satisfaction. Be grateful for the things that you have and always live out what really makes you human.