Relationship

Are You Blaming Your Parents for Your Problems?

Photo Credit: Pexel
Have you noticed how easy it is for you to accuse someone of their wrongdoing than to appreciate them for the things they did right?
Research shows that the human brain is wired to react more emotionally to the bad things people do. That is why you tend to assign blame much faster than you give compliments.
 
Blame and praise are processed by different mechanisms in different parts of the brain.
While blame is assigned from a very emotional place, praise comes from a more logical spot.

Many people are full of negativity and anger towards their parents and they hold them responsible for how they feel and live. They might explain their difficulty in handling their relationships, having poor grades in school, carrying some bad habits, or even having a physical challenge by referring to their parents’ lack of encouragement, criticalness, poor financial state, or absence of one or both parents in their lives. 
As some of these reasons are true, they however should not define how your life turns out eventually. Every human has got one limitation or the other and this limitation is to serve as a stepping stone to a better life and not for you to wallow in self-pity. 

It is so easy to spot out the inadequacies of others that we forget that we also have ours to deal with.
Blaming people is not a healthy attitude towards life. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t change anything. It will only make you more bitter towards them and thoughts of revenge starts renting apartments in your head until it finally buys a house there. You want to make them feel the exact same way you feel, hurtful and hateful. At the later end of your years, you’ll then discover that you’ve been going about your life in circles.

Change begins with knowing. Admitting that you have an issue with putting your incompetencies in the doorstep of others and the willingness to turn away from it in order to lead a better life.

Here are some reasons why you need to stop blaming your parents for how you turn out:
  • They are humans first before they are your parent. Humans are not supernatural (or are you?). They had a life before they had you and they go through phases like you do. As you recognize this, it gives you a different sense of approaching your challenge. 
Photo Credit: Pexel
  • Ask them questions.  This might be tough especially if you suffered abuse from them. When you ask them questions and try to understand them, you realize some truth you never knew about them and how their past has affected their present. Truth is, if you don’t question them, you may never understand what prompted their decisions and you are likely to make those same mistakes they made (blood is thick and many traits are transferable).
  • Forgive them. Forgiveness births healing. If you want to rise above your bitter state of mind, regardless of what your parents did you, forgiveness is one critical step towards achieving this. There’s no point trying to make them feel guilty for what they did because if that’s only what you do, guys, you might just end up like them you know.
  • Live ResponsiblyResponsibility is the rule of the game. Blaming people for your shortcomings only amplifies how entitled you are and that will do you no good. 

    Your parents may not have provided you with everything that you wanted while growing up but be sure they gave you all the had because ‘you can’t give away what you don’t have– says Wayne Dyner. 

    More than anything else, understand that nobody owes you anything, not even your parents. And for every privilege you enjoy, you should develop a deep sense of gratitude and be appreciative of them.

    The Word of Life teaches us to honor our father and mother so that we may live well enjoy length of days on the earth.

8 thoughts on “Are You Blaming Your Parents for Your Problems?

  1. Wonderful peace. More power to your energetic elbows. It is easy to push the blames over on someone else especially close ties. In a nutshell, we should accept ourselves, assume and take responsibility for our own actions.

  2. Very apt. We learn from our parents not only by observing but by asking questions as engagement is the strength of clarity,so we don't end up passing the mistakes on to our offspring.
    Thank you Peace for contributing.

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